


Atkins got nothing on me baby

by BadTitle



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Chubstuck, Fatstuck, Homestuffed, M/M, Stress Eating, Weight Gain, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 02:31:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14632239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadTitle/pseuds/BadTitle
Summary: Human food was both notoriously tasty and notoriously fattening. You do your level best not to overindulge, but living with a human had taken a toll on your once svelte figure. You feel your fingers dip into the softness of your waist, you’re not fat, just a bit... fleshier than normal.





	Atkins got nothing on me baby

**Author's Note:**

> A few warnings not included in the tags, there's a lot of internalized fat shaming coming from Karkat so don't read if that's not your cuppa tea. Also maybe some dubious consent with John either intentionally or unintentionally sabotaging Karkat's diet. Enjoy!

"Thank you for calling Alternian Husktop Repair, may I have your full name and hatchsign please."

"Right okay, how may I help you today?

"Have you tried turning it off and on?"

"No your husktop is not soporproof"

"You tried to stick a human usb in your grub port? What the dribbling fuck were you thinking?"

You mash down the disconnect call button. Enough was enough, oh look it's time for an early break.

It had been three perigees at the shithive clusterfuck that was your new job, honestly that was three perigees too many. You always felt you were destined for greatness. Leading an army as the Heiress' right hand troll, directing a coming of age romantic comedy, leading a gaggle of morons through a horrific game of life and death and the fate of the universe.

Somehow husktop tech support failed to live up to your expectations.

You sigh and lean back into your chair, stomach rumbling. John had gone out to grab lunch for the both of you an hour ago and you wonder what is taking so long. You rub your palm against your midsection to quiet your grumbling digestion sac. Human food was both notoriously tasty and notoriously fattening. You do your level best not to overindulge, but living with a human had taken a toll on your once svelte figure. You feel your fingers dip into the softness of your waist, you’re not fat, just a bit... fleshier than normal.

You don’t spend long musing, John walks in moments later with lunch.

"Holy fuck, finally, what took you so long?" you swivel your chair around towards John.

"Wow, someone's crabby. What about a 'thank you John, for fighting rush hour traffic so I could have the delights of your human fast food delicacies.'

"John, I am always crabby, it is the modus operandi under which I suffer this bullshit existence."

"Haha, yeah I guess that's true" he says as he grabs his usual sandwich and tosses you your order. Fuuuck yes it was still warm. You start to unwrap your greasy bounty.

“Wait, is this all my order? There’s like 4 cheese burgers in here.”

“Hmm, they must have given us extra by mistake?” John says while picking at his sandwich.

“Well damn, at least something can go right today.”

“Bad day at work?” John asks.

“They’re all bad days John. You know before I took this job I genuinely believed most of the population was comprised of globe fondling pan-dribbling morons who's cranial cavities are as vacuous and pointless to fill as a black fucking hole," you take a bite and chew for proper dramatic timing, "but now I see I've given them too much credit."

"It can't be all bad. You get to stay at home and work in your pj's. Retail is just like tech support except I have to get up at the buttcrack of dawn to deal with customers in person. Count your blessings, dude."

"You're right bro, here I am without properly appreciating the gift that is me never leaving this room so I can languish the paradise of my own rotting skin cells that comprise our dusty apartment."

"It's got it's perks. Free food delivery?" He wiggles his annoyingly handsome eyebrows at you. You take another bite of your burger and concede his point.

"Is it free if I have to pay for it with your smug?"

He laughs at you and you continue eating your lunch together while watching tv.

\--------

Karkat has been living with you for almost half a year now and it's been great! Having one of your best buddies around all the time is easy to get used to and you save a lot of money splitting a place together. You learn all kinds of new things about Karkat after you move in together, like how he his lips sometimes mouth the words of whatever he's reading, or how his face turns a dusty reddish pink whenever intimate scenes in movies comes up. You also learn that although he hates his job, he'll eat pretty much whatever you leave in arm's reach at his desk. A fact which you exploit almost daily now.

You could leave out the grossest of the sugary confectionery that Nanna or your dad foists off on you and by the next morning it will have disappeared into Karkat's belly. A belly which is a lot softer and rounder than you remember it being when you moved in together. Last week you caught him tugging his shirt down to cover the gentle curve of it and you felt your face heat. It's been a month since you've seen him outside of anything other than sweatpants or pj's. You suppose Karkat has never really cared about fashion, but you know he owns jeans. You also know exactly how tight they looked on his hips the last time you saw him wear them, and that was a lot less Karkat ago! You've decided you're gonna keep leaving snacks out and sneaking him extra take out to see how long before he notices how chubby he's gotten. You are the prankster, haha, it's you.

Today you've brought him his regular order of three (three! he used to order two, your mind interjects) cheese burgers from his favorite burger place, but you also ordered a few of their specials to try which you know Karkat will probably finish.

Karkat isn't at his desk when you walk in, he's slumped over on the couch with his face buried in his arms.

"Hey man, you okay?" you ask.

He muffles something into the crook of his arm back at you you can't make out. You take a seat next to him on the couch and touch his shoulder.

"I brought lunch?" you offer.

He actually does perk up at that, but when he sits up you can see his eyes are red and watery from crying.

"I got fired" he spouts out before you get a chance to say anything. "Big fucking surprise, I fucking hate husktop support and everyone who's ever had the misfortune of being routed to my unpleasant ass has probably figured out I'm shit at it too." He sniffles, you hand him a napkin.

"Ohhh... " You rub your hand between shoulder blades while he blows his nose. “I’m sorry, buddy. Do you wanna tell me what happened?"

He shakes his head. "Not much to tell. You call a few trolls cretinous shitheads for doing unspeakable things to their husktops and next thing you know your boss is calling you an 'overly hostile affront to customer service' and showing you the metaphorical door."

"Ouch. Well, look on the bright side, you hated that job! Now you can work somewhere else," you say.

“Fucking where? I don't have a car John, and I don't think anyone around here is gonna hire a troll with a resume as short as my fucking temper."

"Uh, well there was a help wanted sign outside of Five Dudes and a Burger Shack? It's only about ten minutes by bike from here. Also," you hold up the take out bag you brought him, "they make good food?"

"Fuck it, can we talk about this later? I'd rather eat something than sit here and talk about my future as a sponge-dead minimum wage asspuppet until I keel over from the weight of my financial burdens."

"Haha, sounds good. Do you want me to put in Pride and Prejudice?"

"John, that is the greatest goddamn thing that has ever come spewing out of your word hole."

By the time you finish the movie, Karkat has polished off his burgers, both specials _and_ some of your fries and has passed out on your shoulder. His sweatpants are rolled beneath his bulged out middle and you catch yourself staring at the rise and fall the basketball sized belly sitting in his lap as he breathes.

You may have a problem.  
  
\--------

Your name is Karkat Vantas, like it says on your nametag, and you cannot believe what your life has degraded into. After you had a chance to mourn your old terrible job, you set to work finding a new terrible job so you could pay your half of the bills you share with John. Sure enough, Five Dudes and a Burger shack, easily your favorite human food location, was hiring, and sure enough, they hired you.

You start sweeping floors, wiping tables and having to scrub down load gapers for a few months before you get promoted to fry cook. You now flip burgers for a living.

At least you get free food there at lunch. Which is, maybe a bit more of an issue than it is an upside. You'd kind of pushed it aside for a while, you've had your weight fluctuate before, up and down. Except now it only ever seems to go up, and up, and up some more. You'd gained about 40 pounds after moving in with John, sitting inside all day waiting for him to deliver food to you like some kind of infant beakbeast. You gained another 15 in the few weeks after you started here and then buried the scale in the bathroom closet after that. You don't know how heavy you are right now, but you do know that your thighs have thickened so much you can feel them rub together where they didn't before. Your swelling belly rests in your lap when you sit and jiggles when you walk. Even your fucking arms have grown soft. They wobble whenever you gesture with the even the vaguest hint of aggression.

You know something has got to give before your last pair of pants do.

You're sucking down what you figure might be your last chocolate milkshake for a while when your boss calls you into the back. You’re already annoyed because it’s the last few minutes of your fucking break but you swallow your complaints with your shake because you cannot afford to lose another job.

You follow him into the closest thing this place has to an office slash janitorial closet. There’s a desk and a couple chairs, he gestures to one of them.

“Have a seat,” he says. You do.

“I’ll make this brief. We have a strict dress code here, Kerkat.” He never gets your fucking name right. You have given up on correcting him. You also have no idea what the hell he’s on about, the dress code here is a uniform which you are dutifully already dressed in.

“Part of that dress code includes wearing your Five Dudes uniform” he continues, “which you do consistently and I appreciate. However, part of the dress code is also making sure it’s appropriately... sized.”

There are no words. You gawk at him with what you’re pretty sure is an expression like an antlerbeast in headlights because he starts to clear his throat and look down at his hands like _he’s_ the one who’s suddenly incredibly uncomfortable.

“I put an order in for you, it should be here by the end of the week and you can turn your old ones in then.” There’s an awkward pause while you both stew in this cesspit of embarrassment until you realize he’s waiting for a response.

“Yes sir” you grind out. You take that as your queue and get up to leave.

“Oh, and Kerkat?” he stops you. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of -”

OH MY GOD. You turn heal and stomp away before your shame bladder overworks itself to a brutal, sloppy death. You do not have the patience for anymore of this shit today.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Homestuck fanfiction! I seriously appreciate any comments or constructive criticisms no matter how spastic or sparse because my fanfic career is in it's newborn wobbly leg stages and they mean a whole, whole lot. Thanks!


End file.
